This here is a guide to the most ancient of human interactions - The Shift. The shift has been around for as long as humans have been roaming this fair earth, and can be the most noblest of endeavors. It can also be an incredibly bad experience... this guide gives a reference scale to the art of shifting, and helps you to place your previous shift experiences!
0. The "OH MY GOD WHAT AM I LOOKING AT" Shift. This is not a personal shift, but one that you see whilst out, and are scarred for life after it. Songs are ruined because they bring back images... It is a shudder inducing shift to see.
1. The "NNNNOOOOOOMMMMM" Shift. This is when a girl/guy tries to see how much of his counterparts face he/she can fit in his/her mouth. This is definitely the worst of the shifts. Wouldn't wish it on anyone...no, not even them!
2. The "Om nom nom nom nom" Shift. Different from the previous shift, in which you risk losing a face, this only leaves your mouth in severe pain. This shifter is a biter, a biter of tongues. Beware.
3. The "Mining for Gold" Shift. Otherwise known as the "Deep Throat Shift". This is a particularly bad shift. This feels like the shifter is trying to dig out your tonsils with their tongue. Uncomfortable to say the least!
4. The "Puppy Dog" Shift. The name here speaks for itself does it not? If I could make a lapping sound over text I would. These shifters have no control over that most powerful of muscles, and...have a face-towel ready.
5. The "Handsie" Shift. This is an obvious one. Hands everywhere! Under things, up things, over things, behind things, on top of things. Not a pretty shift.
6. The "Leaves a Bad Taste" Shift. This shift can be a good shift, until the end. This shift leaves a bad taste in your mouth. "What is that?" you think to yourself. "Cigarettes? Glow stick? It's disgusting!" And that is the only memory that you have from that shift. Awks.
7. The "Speedy Gonzales" Shift. This is a shifter who thinks shifting is a race. They do it hard and fast. Not to everyones taste. The friction could start a fire if you're not careful.
8. The "Awkward" Shift. There is a couple of types to the awkward shift. Type one is when both parties go opposite ways, not really a great start there. Type two is two different shifting techniques being used. This leads to confusion and a bad shift for all. Type three is an awkward goodbye. This comes after the said shift, and is when both parties are saying goodnight. The awkward goodbye can be an awkward kiss, hug or even handshake, all being totes awks.
9. The "Royal Shift". Noted this won't happen to a lot a people, ever. But this shift is both good and bad. Good, because you're shifting Frikken royalty! But, from what I've heard, the bad is bad. These shifts tend to be bad shifts, with people looking for serious relationships...they want to make you a queen. (Also note that this does not just apply to royalty.)
10. The "Meh" Shift. This shift is grand like. You find yourself wondering what you'll have for dinner the next day, and what your friends are doing, and "oh my god I love this song!" This shift can be technically good, just boring.
11. The "Shift" Shift. This is the shift. Be happy you got it.
12. The "Nice" Shift. This is the shift that makes everyone go "awh!" When two nice people shift, and everything seems right with the world. It's not a perfect shift, but you can forgive them for their flaws. "Das Lovely!"
13. The "Kiss" Shift. This is like a nice shift, but sweeter. This is a little to no tongue shift. It's gives the impression that you are not just out for the shift and are genuinely interested in the person more then the shift. These are keepers!
14. The "Slow" Shift. This is another nice shift. It is slow and gentle, the exact opposite to the "Speedy Gonzales". The slow shift is a pleasure to experience.
15. The "Perfect" Shift. This shift is perfect. It can be with a stranger, a friend, a boyfriend, anyone. It is when two peoples shifting techniques are perfectly compatible and the two are in tune. It's is not to fast, and is cleaner then most. You'll be extremely lucky to get this shift.
16. The "Knee Weakeningly Amazing" Shift. This shift is a rarity and should be cherished along side your most prized possessions. This is when everything in the shift goes right and you feel like you're floating on air. Your knees go weak and your stomach gets the flutterbys. This is everyones ideal shift.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this guide, and find it useful in classifying shifts. No doubt when reading it you were able to relate with many of them, both good and bad, and if you have any more to ad feel free to leave a comment.
Good luck, god speed, and GET THE SHIFT.
0. The "OH MY GOD WHAT AM I LOOKING AT" Shift. This is not a personal shift, but one that you see whilst out, and are scarred for life after it. Songs are ruined because they bring back images... It is a shudder inducing shift to see.
1. The "NNNNOOOOOOMMMMM" Shift. This is when a girl/guy tries to see how much of his counterparts face he/she can fit in his/her mouth. This is definitely the worst of the shifts. Wouldn't wish it on anyone...no, not even them!
2. The "Om nom nom nom nom" Shift. Different from the previous shift, in which you risk losing a face, this only leaves your mouth in severe pain. This shifter is a biter, a biter of tongues. Beware.
3. The "Mining for Gold" Shift. Otherwise known as the "Deep Throat Shift". This is a particularly bad shift. This feels like the shifter is trying to dig out your tonsils with their tongue. Uncomfortable to say the least!
4. The "Puppy Dog" Shift. The name here speaks for itself does it not? If I could make a lapping sound over text I would. These shifters have no control over that most powerful of muscles, and...have a face-towel ready.
5. The "Handsie" Shift. This is an obvious one. Hands everywhere! Under things, up things, over things, behind things, on top of things. Not a pretty shift.
6. The "Leaves a Bad Taste" Shift. This shift can be a good shift, until the end. This shift leaves a bad taste in your mouth. "What is that?" you think to yourself. "Cigarettes? Glow stick? It's disgusting!" And that is the only memory that you have from that shift. Awks.
7. The "Speedy Gonzales" Shift. This is a shifter who thinks shifting is a race. They do it hard and fast. Not to everyones taste. The friction could start a fire if you're not careful.
8. The "Awkward" Shift. There is a couple of types to the awkward shift. Type one is when both parties go opposite ways, not really a great start there. Type two is two different shifting techniques being used. This leads to confusion and a bad shift for all. Type three is an awkward goodbye. This comes after the said shift, and is when both parties are saying goodnight. The awkward goodbye can be an awkward kiss, hug or even handshake, all being totes awks.
9. The "Royal Shift". Noted this won't happen to a lot a people, ever. But this shift is both good and bad. Good, because you're shifting Frikken royalty! But, from what I've heard, the bad is bad. These shifts tend to be bad shifts, with people looking for serious relationships...they want to make you a queen. (Also note that this does not just apply to royalty.)
10. The "Meh" Shift. This shift is grand like. You find yourself wondering what you'll have for dinner the next day, and what your friends are doing, and "oh my god I love this song!" This shift can be technically good, just boring.
11. The "Shift" Shift. This is the shift. Be happy you got it.
12. The "Nice" Shift. This is the shift that makes everyone go "awh!" When two nice people shift, and everything seems right with the world. It's not a perfect shift, but you can forgive them for their flaws. "Das Lovely!"
13. The "Kiss" Shift. This is like a nice shift, but sweeter. This is a little to no tongue shift. It's gives the impression that you are not just out for the shift and are genuinely interested in the person more then the shift. These are keepers!
14. The "Slow" Shift. This is another nice shift. It is slow and gentle, the exact opposite to the "Speedy Gonzales". The slow shift is a pleasure to experience.
15. The "Perfect" Shift. This shift is perfect. It can be with a stranger, a friend, a boyfriend, anyone. It is when two peoples shifting techniques are perfectly compatible and the two are in tune. It's is not to fast, and is cleaner then most. You'll be extremely lucky to get this shift.
16. The "Knee Weakeningly Amazing" Shift. This shift is a rarity and should be cherished along side your most prized possessions. This is when everything in the shift goes right and you feel like you're floating on air. Your knees go weak and your stomach gets the flutterbys. This is everyones ideal shift.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this guide, and find it useful in classifying shifts. No doubt when reading it you were able to relate with many of them, both good and bad, and if you have any more to ad feel free to leave a comment.
Good luck, god speed, and GET THE SHIFT.
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